In the course of this fit of organizational mania, I ran across the collection of items from the Hammacher Schlemmer catalogue that I clipped for purposes of mockery. To whit:
- The Fingerprint Recognizing Espresso Machine. For a mere $3200, you scan your fingerprint and he machine remembers how you like your coffee. It can store up to six fingerprints and drink profiles in its database. I will stick to the aluminum drip pot I bought in Vietnam for well under a buck, thank you.
- The Constellation Projecting Turtle Night Light. I admit I sleep well under starry skies, but I always assumed that was because sleeping under the stars meant sleeping outside, ideally in a nice dark desert. And I am not sure why I would want anything in the shape of a turtle somewhere in my bedroom. (Nothing against turtles.) To be fair, there is also a ladybug option. I don't think a foot-long ladybug proecting green stars on the ceiling would help me sleep, however.
- The Lady's Washable Cashmere Activewear Set. Okay, it is washable, but cashmere sweats are just wrong. At least it isn't pink. (It comes in a choice of grey or black.)
- The Only Scootercase. A suitcase with a built-in scooter. Because oblivious people who roll their roll-aboards over my feet aren't enough of a menace at the airport.
- The Personal Soup Chef. This automatically chops vegetables and simmers broth to make homemade soup. In other words, it's a heated blender. It is, apparently, just too much trouble to cook things and put them in a blender.
And, yes, I am well aware that I own things other people would mock.