... on knitting addiction! President Obama formed this commission in response to a report that Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi had triggered a security investigation due to the clicking of knitting needles in the House chamber being misinterpreted as a possible explosive device. There have also been reports that Secretary of State Clinton's first stop on a recent European tour was La Droguerie, a Paris yarn shop.
He stated, "As the father of daughters, I am concerned about the damage being done to America's women by the plague of knitting addiction. I have heard from several families who claim to have no money for food because the household budget has been spent on accruing exotic yarns, many of which are never even used. I have only recently learned that there are at least half a dozen completely legal businesses spreading this addiction within just a few miles of the White House. This new commission will investigate regulatory actions to prevent the spread of addiction."
Possible actions being considered include prohibition on teaching anyone under the age of 18 to knit, maintenance programs using acrylic yarns as a substitute for runiously expensive natural fibers, and bans on the sale of such knitting paraphenalia as bamboo circular needles.